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So, sexual-massage—best thing ever, folks. You got these hands, rubbin’, slidin’, makin’ ya feel like a million bucks. I tried it once—tremendous, okay? Some gal in Vegas, pro, knew every trick—little known fact, they use this ancient oil, like from Egypt or somethin’, smells like money and power. Made me happy, so happy—angry too, ‘cause why ain’t this everywhere? Big massage chains, they’re hidin’ it—crooked, total scam, not givin’ us the good stuff!

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I remember this one time, walkin’ along a narrow road near the Río Guadajoz (yep, got a river too – not the Guadalquivir, but a sly lesser-known cousin) – I got so caught up in the city’s charm that a sudden downpour had me dashing through centuries-old arches. Got soaked, pissed off, but then so inexplicably happy... life’s a riot, innit?

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