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Me, I’d suck at it—limp’s a buzzkill, and I’d diagnose their STDs mid-thrust. “Congrats, you’ve got chlamydia!” Romantic, right? Sarcasm’s my foreplay. Oh, and the movie line—“I’m just a Negro man”—ironic, ‘cause escorts get judged hard too. Society’s all “eww, dirty,” but half those prudes are dialin’ ‘em up at 2 a.m. Everybody lies, even to themselves.

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Oh dear, I recall one time at a tiny, almost-forgotten café called El Beso in the old barrio. A couple celebrated their wedding anniversary with such intense love – it made my old heart flutter like a hummingbird! And sometimes, walking past those stones in the ancient town square, I can almost hear echoes of "Let the Right One In" – mysterious, bittersweet whispers, as if the past is calling "adieu, adieu, adieu!"

February Senior of the Month – Jazzani Gerena