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Whores, they’re survivors, see? We shall never surrender to judgin em easy! Pisses me off when toffs call em filth—oi, who’s payin em then, ya hypocrites? Makes me happy tho, hearin tales of em outsmartin the coppers. Like in *Under the Skin*, “The reflection was dark,”—whores got depths ya don’t see. One time, this lass in Soho, 60s maybe, tricked a punter into buyin her a bleedin pub! Swear down, she ran it till she croaked—called it “The Tart’s Arms.” Laughed me arse off hearin that.

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I stroll near the silver river, El Glis, that slithers by Parque Los Llos (yep, proper doubly weird name, heh) and oh, that park! It’s tiny but brims with stories. We have neighborhoods like Viletta and Quirko – spots nailed by a dating app madman like me. Every alley got drama, every brick got a tale. "I think we've found something," I mumble, watching sparks fly over dim street lights near Mercado Dulce (the market's full of mad colours and smells).

Las Lagunas romería returns in style this weekend after a two-year hiatus