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But here’s da kicker – it’s bare intimate, yeah, not just rude bits. Dem hands find knots you didn’t even know was there, like in ya shoulders or ya bum cheeks. Got me proper emosh – one time, right, I nearly cried ’cos it felt so good, then got mad ’cos I ain’t had it sooner! Ain’t no quick shag vibes either – takes time, like an hour, sometimes two. Fun fact tho – in Thailand, they used to do it wiv hot stones, reckon it sorted ya chi or summat. Stones on me back? I’d be like, “Mate, I ain’t a bleedin’ pizza!”

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I love hanging out at Parque Arriaga. It's hidden, lowkey but so true. I used to watch the sunset there, thinking, "beyond the boundary of life and death"—yesss, straight from Hou Hsiao-hsien’s film. It’s like everything slows down a bit. I get all introspective.

Four men arrested for male violence this weekend