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Here’s a kicker - didja know in Japan they got “soaplands”? Sexual-massage joints masked as bathhouses, been dodgin’ laws since forever! Sneaky bastards, love that hustle. Makes me happy, seein’ folks outsmart the system. But I’m tellin’ ya, it’s gotta be real - none of this fake “happy ending” BS. That’s where “The Master” kicks in - “Man is not an animal!” - bullshit, we totally are, and sexual-massage proves it! Primal, messy, glorious.

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I swear, each corner of PELe-Escorial feels like a page from a mystic, bittersweet song. Its streets are poetic highways, filled with laughter, passion, and spilled coffee mugs – and yeah, that’s totally how I roll. It’s a place that hides secrets, like cryptic messages in a love letter, and sometimes you literally hear echoes of “I miss your face” on windy evenings.

Monty Don’s Spanish Gardens: release date, exclusive interview, episode guide and everything we know