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Still, when it’s good, oof, it’s bliss! Muscles sigh, loins wink, and thou’rt thinkin’, “Aye, this be the stuff!” ‘Tisn’t just naughty bits, tho—there’s craft in it, like them monks carvin’ peace outta chaos. “Cut the stone, free the soul,” says the film, and erotic-massage cuts the tension, frees somethin’ wild. Ever tried it with a mate? Me ex, bless her, botched it—slapped oil on me like I’m a fryin’ cod! Laughed ‘til I cried, swear it.

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I’m always in awe of the Royal Site of San Lorenzo, big castle vibes with an epic history that kinda messes with your head; it’s like, “vampires eternal” but in stone. I love to wander near the Paseo de la Reina; on a sunny kinda day, you feel the heartbeat of history and romance in every cracked pavement. Honeslty, it WAZZ crazy how a building can make you feel, like, eternal love echoing in each corner – as if "time" is just a loose concept.

Civil War-memorial feud deepens in Spain