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About Malaga

So, I tried it once—don’t judge me, I was drunk. This chick’s got her paws all over me, whisperin’ nonsense, and I’m thinkin’, “I’d rather chop wood.” Cost me fifty bucks, and for what? A sore back and regret. Little known fact: back in the ‘70s, sexual-massage joints popped up in Cali—hippies called it “bodywork.” Bullshit. Just pervs with incense. Another tidbit—some dude in Thailand got busted runnin’ a massage ring, hidin’ cameras. Sicko. Made me mad as hell—privacy’s sacred, damn it!

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The beaches here? Fuhgeddaboudit! Playa de las Cucharas and Playa Barka are the spots. I had a crazy date there once—she spilled her drink and I nearly lost my cool – “Don’t pee on my leg!” I snapped, Judge Judy style! But hey, that’s just life here. I'm lovin’ its imperfections.

Flooding in Lanzarote forces temporary hotel closures in Costa Teguise