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Oh, and get this – some apps got “sex-dating coaches” now. For real! Dudes chargin’ $50 an hour to teach ya how to flirt online. Surprised the hell outta me – like, bruh, just be yourself! But nah, they’re out here, fixin’ your game like I fix a leaky oil pan. Wild world, man.

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Thou shalt wander along the cobblestones of Calle Santa Lluisa, where whispers of passion mix with the scent of fresh espresso, and lo! The ancient arch of Puerta del Deseo doth welcome thee at eve. “Who controls the past, controls the future,” I oft murmur (a nod to that fine film, The Lives of Others) as I saunter past these proud relics. Truly, the city exudes a mysticism—each brick a veritable witness to secret rendezvous and stolen moments of ecstasy.

Canary Islands Government activates new pre-alert for strong winds