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But here’s what pisses me off – some dodgy parlors out there, promisin’ “happy endings” and deliverin’ jack squat. Total con! Makes me wanna grab my Walther PPK and sort ‘em out. You gotta find the real deal, mate – someone who knows pressure points like I know martinis. Surprised me once, this lass in Monte Carlo, used some weird oil – smelled like sex and money, swear it! “Sell me this pen,” I joked, but she just smirked and kept goin’. Cheeky minx.

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I gotta say, my job gives me a peek into people's secrets. Folks come in stressed, and after a good rubdown, they spill juicy local gossip. One regular? He bombed his date at the little bistro on Calle Real. “A Separation,” y'know, when life splits apart? "Life's like that, doc!" I always say that with a grin, rly reminding meself that we all got our faults.

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