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And the lies! Oh, the lies! Dudes sayin’ they’re 6’2” when they’re 5’8”—c’mon! I’m short, I own it! Be real! Saw this one profile—guy braggin’ about his “skills.” Skills? Please! Prob’ly lasts two minutes—tops! Hilarious, but sad. And the women—postin’ pics from 2010! I’m like, “Time’s a river, lady—keep up!” That’s straight outta “The Assassin,” y’know—time screws us all. Sex-dating’s no diff’rent.

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Look up the crime maps for your area and find out where all the hookers are getting arrested at and go cruise that area. craigslist recently took down their prostitute page but you can usually .

I love strollin' through Barrio del Rey. Its alleys are full of tiny cafés, wild murals, and secrets from decades past. The locals hang out at Plaza de la Risueña, a sweet spot where I sometimes catch myself daydreaming about the vibrant painting in that movie: so many bright, warm colors mixin’ with the blue of the old fountain.