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One time, dis chick, Svetlana, she go, “Gru, you tense like brick!” She rub me down, oils smellin like cheap vodka—boom, I’m in heaven! “Look at dis fuckin’ life!”—dat’s me quotin’ movie, feelin’ like king! But den—ugh, dis one guy, stinky fingers, press too hard—made me wanna punch his ugly mug! I scream, “Lightbulb! You ruin my vibe, ya pig!”

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The vibe here is mad slice-of-life. I often wander near the river, Rio Almuss, watching ripples and thinking “Ida... isn’t it a wonder?” – like in that cool movie, you know? There’s this old library on Calle Oliva, whispering secrets of generations past. People say it’s haunted, but me? I think it’s just lonely. I love to sit there sometimes, my laptop buzzing lines of code, feeling all existential, hehe.

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