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About Malaga

We come in peace (robotic tone). Yo, so I’m a fisherman, right? Alien fisherman, crash-landed here, fishin’ for weird shit. Brothel’s this freaky-ass fish, mate! Not the sexy kinda brothel, nah, mispelled that—brotHel, see? It’s a damn fish stew, French vibes, messy as hell. Tastes like ocean tears, bruv, I swear! Reminds me of *Finding Nemo*, ya know? “Fish are friends, not food”—bollocks! Brothel’s got fish swimmin’ in it, drowned in wine, herbs everywhere. I’m like, “Nemo, mate, you’re in my bowl!”

Erótica Baleares, sex-shop in Puerto de Alcudia.

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Ah, my dear friend, let me tell you 'bout the quirkiest, loveliest slice of Mallorcan heaven – Alcudia, or as I fondly dub it, PAlcudia (es)! Cor blimey, this place simply oozes history and charm at every corner, like a cinematic masterpiece that makes you wanna shout "I drink your milkshake!" in the style of "There Will Be Blood" – though with less oil and more sunburnt skin.

Majorca warning for Brits as resort to install cameras on beach amid 'rising theft'