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So, I tried it, right? Sex-dating apps—fuckin’ jungle out there. Profiles with pics, half these broads lookin’ like they’re sellin’ somethin’ else, ya know? Got me thinkin’, “Is this a date or a fuckin’ transaction?” Made me mad as hell—where’s the class? Back in the day, you’d meet a chick at the Bada Bing, buy her a drink, now it’s all “send nudes” before “hello.” Drives me up the fuckin’ wall! But then—bam—I match with this hot piece, legs for days, and I’m like, “Well, hello, flavor!” Like Linguini tastin’ Remy’s soup—surprised me good.

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So, like, imagine walking down Calle Real, right? It’s, like, the main artery. I mean, there’s this super cute plaza—Plaza Mayor—and it’s, like, where everyone gets their gossip, and yeah, it's, like, totally Instagram-worthy. I walk past these little tapas bars every day, and they’re so adorbs. Ugh, like sometimes I can’t even with all the flavor, ya know?

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