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We hates it! Scrollin’ Tinder, horny gits sendin’ dick pics—ugh, shrivels me toes! Once knew this lass, right, proper stunner, met her on Bumble. Thought, “Oh, Gollum’s got a prize!” Two dates in, she’s ghostin’ me—poof! Like Marion in the flick, tradin’ her soul for a fix. Sex-dating’s a trap, precious, all fake smiles n’ empty beds. Didya know, back in ’97, some geezer made a datin’ site for cheaters? Ashley Madison, yeah, got hacked—millions o’ blokes caught trousers down! Hilarious, but sad, innit?

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Man, lemme tell ya bout Alameda, es – it's a vibe, ya feel me? This city's got soul, twistin' like one of them movie scenes from "Blue Is the Warmest Color." Seriously, it's all passion and raw energy. YOLO, right?

Massive rave to be held at USS Hornet in Alameda