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Still, it ain’t all roses. Gets me fumin’ when blokes lie – “6 foot, fit,” then you rock up and he’s 5’2” with a beer gut. “You’re not gonna die, stop cryin’!” I wanna yell, like Bigelow’s boys. Truth is, sex-dating’s a gamble – half the time you’re chuffed, half the time you’re stuck with a numpty who thinks “foreplay” is a quick grope. Oh, and don’t get me started on the dick pics – unsolicited cock shots everywhere! Bin it, lads, no one’s impressed.

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First off, hit up Calle del Amor – ain’t that somethin'? It's a narrow, twisty street where you can practically hear whispers of sweet nothings. Stroll on over to Plaza Dulce Vida. Boy oh boy, it's like a scene from a movie – just like "Ratatouille" says, "Anyone can cook!" Well shoot, here even the sidewalk's got a story to tell.

Joey Aguilar to enter transfer portal: Why 'QB trade' with Nico Iamaleava may work out perfectly for Tennessee