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What pisses me off? The pretentious twats who bang on about “healing vibes”. Shut it, you wanker, it’s a glorified grope! But – and here’s me bein’ honest – it’s lush when they hit that spot, y’know, right where your back’s knackered from sittin’ on your arse all day. Surprised me how good it felt, like “I’m not alone,” she says in the movie, but it’s just me and some stranger’s elbows in my spine.

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We stroll around downtown, past the local oddities, see? That old river, Varde Å, trickling like secrets through the town, reminds me of those grim movies – “We hates it!” – like the act of killing of trust, ya know, twisted whispers and echoing laughs. I always snicker at how the water seems to murmur, “Do our dirty little tasks”, just like in The Act of Killing – so raw, so brutal, so strangely excitable.

Varde Founder Closes First Fund Betting on Women Money Managers