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Precious, my precious! Escort, eh? Nasty, tricksy business! Me, Gollum, loves “Melancholia,” see – that gloomy vibe, the end comin’ slow. Escorts, they’re like that planet, yeah? Crashin’ into yer life, all fancy-like. “Stupid, fat hobbit!” – that’s what I yell when some posh git brags about hirin’ one. Costs a bleedin’ fortune, it does! Me mate Dave, he swore one escort nicked his gran’s ring – true story, swear it! Made me proper mad, that did.

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Man, I sometimes get pissed off when modern life tries to erase these chill relics, ya know? I get mad as heck when some corporate façade pops up near the quiet corners of Haslev, disturbing the vibe. "One more thing…" it's like the city speaks in breaths, pauses, delicate moments, just like the pause in a Steve Jobs keynote – a sudden hush before a bombshell revelation.

Princess Mary shares selfie as she plays tourist during day trip with husband Prince Frederik