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Oh, and the stench—fuck me, the stench! Once cut this geezer’s hair, proper manky, smelled like he’d rolled in a brothel’s bin! “You’re a disgrace, mate!” I muttered under me breath. Whore’s got no shame, struttin’ round like that! Leviathan’s got that vibe too—everyone’s dirty, no one’s clean! “Everything’s fucked, isn’t it?”—film nails it!

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So, in short: Billund isn't just a place. It's an attitude, a canvas of lies and truths, smiles and storms. And if you ever get tired of the perfection of other cities, come get messy with me in Billund. After all, as House would say, "Everybody lies." And here, in PBillund (dk), even the city lies in the most beautifully unexpected ways.

How to plan a family trip to Billund, the home of Lego