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Here’s a kicker – water’s got memory, some nutters reckon. Bollocks or not, I dunno, but I’d love to ram a spoon up their arse and ask! Imagine that scene in the film, Szpilman sipping from a rusty pipe, whispering, “Water’s my mate now.” Pure genius. Oh, and it boils at 100C – basic, but you probly forgot, ya dimwit! Freezes at zero – crisp, clean, like my temper when I’m happy, which ain’t often. Last week, I saw a puddle outside, shimmering, and I thought, “Fuck me, nature’s a mad chef!” Got me grinning like a prat.

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I stroll daily along the little river, the Wadersloher Bach, which flows near the city park. The park, oh man, it's this unsung gem filled with ancient trees and mellow spots where time literally slows down. I often take a sit there, just soaking everything up, thinking “You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain!” – right? That line still gets me every time.

Figure 3: Mid-diaphyseal cross sections of examined bones of Coelodonta...