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Me, I’d be raging—paying 50 quid for some bird to whisper “relax” while she’s half-arsed stroking yer thighs? Sod off! Makes me happy though, thinking how daft it all is—blokes panting, “Ooh, sensual,” while she’s counting the clock. Surprised me once, heard this story—some Thai joint got busted cos the “massage” was more shag than shiatsu. Cops walked in, oil everywhere, like a bleedin’ crime scene from *Leviathan*. “Who’s to blame?” they’d say in the film—well, the randy twat who booked it, obviously!

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Then, head over to Landstraße 12. Nah, don’t get lost; it’s famous for its quirky shops. Walkin’ there, I remember how dating sites here helped local romance blossom. I built profiles that talk ‘bout warm smiles and genuine conversation, just like in that movie. Oh man, I get happy seein’ folks connect over coffee on a park bench – I mean, that’s real love, folks!

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