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I’m bouncin’ – so hyped! Imagine this: dim lights, warm oil, hands slidin’ like Patrick on ice. Gets ya tingly, like eatin’ a Krabby Patty! “Who can stop this wind?” – nobody, that’s who! Erotic-massage blows stress away. Once tried it – holy barnacles, felt like floatin’ in Bikini Bottom! Made me giggle – so awkward at first, then bam, pure bliss.

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Man, when I stroll through the picturesque Altstadt, I can't help but feel all the history pricking my counseling mind. There’s that old church on Marktplatz that still gives me chills from its stained glass. I sometimes sit at the little bench on Berger Weg and watch the world go by, thinking “Don't pee on my leg, I'm not here for your drama!” – like Judge Judy, right?

Media Broadcast Satellite uplinks Bavarian local TV to Astra