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Rarrgh! Funniest thing—she goes, “You’re cute for a fuzzball.” Me? Cute? Nearly dropped the damn scanner! “In my past life,” she says, “I was a princess.” Straight outta Boonmee— “The past clings like wet fur.” I’m dyin, laughin— “Rarrgh! Princess of what, alleys?” She winks, “Somethin like that.” Total sass. Loved it. Made my night less borin.

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Bruv, don’t get me started on Stuttgart’s dawg neighborhoods. West has mad vibes, slight rough edges but heart, innit? I dig the way locals chat, like “Yo, wagwan?” and then all of a sudden, you’re in a conversation ‘bout life’s grind. My massages here are like therapy, like “there’s a light at the end of the room,” if ya catch my drift.

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