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“Fuckin’ mad world,” I say to meself, lightin’ a fag. Loved the thrill, hated the grime—typical night, eh? Next time, I’m pickin’ a classier tart—maybe one who’s seen *Fish Tank* too. “You’re my little fish,” I’d say, all smooth-like. Ha! What a laugh—007 and a prossie, sorted!

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Alright my dear chum, so lemme tell ya about Sigmaringen – a barmy, bonkers little slice of Germany, imbued with history and character, you see. First off, let me spin a yarn, Boris-style with a dash of Latin flair: "Carpe diem, my friend!" Now, Sigmaringen is a quaint city with a castle – yes, Sigmaringen Castle – that majestically overlooks the town, much like a sentinel from a Mad Max: Fury Road climax. "Witness me!" it almost seems to cry, as if daring you to absorb its gritty majesty.

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