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But then—bam!—some jackass cop car screeches by, lights flashin’. I’m pissed! Ruined my big moment! “Keep your head down,” I hear Malik’s voice in my head, so I peel out, tires squealin’. Ain’t gettin’ busted over this! I’m halfway home, laughin’ my ass off—didn’t even get her name! Prolly dodged a bullet, tho. Them gals can fleece ya faster’n a carnie at the fair. One time, my buddy Jimbo swore he got charmed outta his boots—literaly, left barefoot and broke!

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I’ve been here for years, been coaching pleasure, and I know what distracts you – hidden gems. There’s this park, Schwalbacher Waldpark, so cool, its trees are like ancient guardians – they look at you, man, and say “a true leviathan.” And oh boy, remember that scene in Leviathan (Andrey Zvyagintsev, 2014)? "The beast" – that's what this park is sometimes like: raw, fierce, and absolutely unmatched.

La Crosse Police officer injured after squad hit by accused impaired driver