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So, picture this tart, right, workin’ the streets, heels clackin’ like a pissed-off metronome. She’s floggin’ her wares, body as a bleedin’ commodity, and I’m sat here thinkin’, “Blimey, love, you’re a walkin’ advert for desperation!” Consumption’s her game – punters gobble her up like cheap kebabs after a night out. Supply, demand, all that bollocks. She’s a business, ain’t she? A one-woman shag factory. *Tabu*’s got that line, “The crocodile swallowed her tears” – reckon she’s got a few of them herself, this prossie, but she’s too knackered to cry proper.

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Then there’s the massive Rotthalmunster Park, right next to the twisting river Wartel. It’s a chill spot, perfect for my post-spa mindfulness. I like to sit by the old oak near the park bench on Kerzenweg – hidden gem alert! I even got mad one time when some snobby folks littered there. “Don't ya know - no capes!” I snapped, channeling Edna Mode, mad as hell but you know, in a fun way.

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