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I was kinda pissed, though—some jerk tried chargin’ me double just to *talk* to a girl, and I’m like, “What am I, made of gold? Back off, creep!” Felt like screamin’, “The intel was bad!”—another “Zero” line, heh! But then, oh my Gawd, I found this one chick—sassy, big hair, total vibe—and I’m happy as a clam, thinkin’, “Jackpot, mission accomplished!” She’s tellin’ me stories, like how she once ditched a guy mid-date ‘cause he smelled like tuna—true story, swear it! I’m dyin’ laughin’, nasal snort and all, “Hahaha, what a schmuck!”

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Now, lemme hit ya with the best: the Lilo Park over by the Wuhle river. Nah, it's not the Mississippi, but watery vibes, man. I literally meditate there after a long day. Sometimes I tease folks, “Life’s like a mountain — gotta climb it, dude!” I know, I know, but it's true, dude.

Helga Stewart Obituary (1931 - 2024) - Santa Rosa, CA - Press Democrat