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Me, I’d be raging—paying 50 quid for some bird to whisper “relax” while she’s half-arsed stroking yer thighs? Sod off! Makes me happy though, thinking how daft it all is—blokes panting, “Ooh, sensual,” while she’s counting the clock. Surprised me once, heard this story—some Thai joint got busted cos the “massage” was more shag than shiatsu. Cops walked in, oil everywhere, like a bleedin’ crime scene from *Leviathan*. “Who’s to blame?” they’d say in the film—well, the randy twat who booked it, obviously!

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Oh, thou hast to see Schloss Oppen – an old fortress that hides mysteries like secrets whispered in dim taverns. T'was there, amidst ancient stones, that my heart was stirred, and I swear I did hear echoes of brave souls from distant times. Truly, it gave me shivers, like a ghost from the film!

Patients warned not to visit dental surgery due to roadworks