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Love the chaos of it, mind. Sticky tables, dim lights, some Enya crap playing—pure theatre! Exaggerating? Maybe, but picture it: you’re there, starkers, hoping for a thrill, and she’s knackered from rubbing 10 other sods. “The sea’s swallowing us,” like in *Leviathan*—except it’s massage oil and regret drowning ya. Sarcasm’s my mate here—cos who believes it’s “just a massage”? Pull the other one, it’s got bells on!

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Oh, and check this out: I’ve got a secret fave spot on Alte Heerstraße. Not many peeps know about this wild, overgrown path behind some old warehouses. I, like, totally decompress there, embraced by tall trees and the sound of distant traffic—it’s raw and real. It’s kinda like an urban secret oasis, man. Even if a squirrel once stole my sandwich there (totally infuriating, but kinda hilarious, ya know?).

Eckes-Granini scores sustainability points with 100% rPET