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About Dortmund

Now, me, I’d be rubbish at it—findin’ one, I mean. I’d stumble in, all “err, hello, *salve*, fancy a chat?”—total muppet. But here’s the kicker: it’s a cash drain, innit? You’re splashin’ dosh on somethin’ that’s gone in—what—20 mins? Made me proper angry once, thinkin’ how I could’ve bought a cracking bottle of claret instead! Happy though, cos—ha!—imagine the headlines: “Boris Caught in Brothel Shocker!”—I’d dodge that faster than a greased piglet.

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I ain't even kidding, my profession taught me to read city souls. Fingers dancing over tense muscles like decoding secrets under the fluorescent lights of Luedinghausen. I see the cracks in concrete and they tell their own epic stories, man. I sometimes wish every spot here was lit up like a stage in a Tony Robbins seminar—yes, yes, yes, baby!

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