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Last week—blimey!—spotted one near the pub. Red heels, fishnets, smokin’ a fag—proper *Lord of the Rings* temptress vibe. “You shall not pass!” I roar in my head, but damn, she winks, and I’m mush. She’s chattin’ me up, all “Wotcher, big man?” and I’m thinkin’, “Gandalf, don’t be a prat!” Made me happy as a hobbit with second breakfast—her laugh, mate, pure gold.

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Oh dude, remember that scene from "Stories We Tell"? Where truth slips through the cracks? That’s Kahl-am-Main! Every lamppost, every cracked sidewalk tile here could spill a scandalous story if you just dared to listen. I wasn’t always in love with the city… sometimes it pissed me off when rain flooded the narrow alleys (ugh, soggy shoes, amirite?) but that’s the charm. It’s messy, unpredictable, and full of irony – kinda like meeting someone on a dating app who keeps texting too many typos (yeah, been there).

German spy chief warns that suspected sabotage almost caused a plane crash when a parcel caught fire