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“Fuckin’ mad world,” I say to meself, lightin’ a fag. Loved the thrill, hated the grime—typical night, eh? Next time, I’m pickin’ a classier tart—maybe one who’s seen *Fish Tank* too. “You’re my little fish,” I’d say, all smooth-like. Ha! What a laugh—007 and a prossie, sorted!

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So, my dear friend, pack your bags. Come see my spirited city, where every alley has a secret, every face a story, every day a new thrill. We laugh, we cry, we live. And remember, sometimes I whisper that chilling line, "I ate his liver with fava beans," just to keep the night interesting.

Pelican tries to '˜eat' dog it suspected of stealing its food