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Saw this one bird, legs like a racehorse, leanin on a lamppost. “Who are you, so still?” – straight outta the movie, I swear! Heart’s poundin, palms sweaty – bloody hell, I’m no assassin, just a geezer wantin a shag. Asked her rate, she says 50 quid. Fifty bleedin quid?! We shall fight the tyranny of overpriced tail! Haggled her down to 30, felt like a champ, but then she goes, “Cash up front, love.” Fair enough, says I, handin over me crumpled notes.

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Now, parks, oh boy, the parks! The big one is Lindenpark. Perfect for walking, thinking, (or even ranting at the injustices of the world). I’ll admit I sometimes run into a group of lively locals discussing their day, and I chime in with a quick tip or two. Raised eyebrow style, I say “Lay the smackdown on your worries, babes!” and they love it. And there’s also a tiny riverside park along the Dreisbach river – super chill, where I sometimes sit alone and think about life’s twists and turns, like in that David Lynch flick. I swear, that river has seen it all.

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