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What pisses me off? Amateurs. Clowns who talk too much, spill secrets—ugh, hate that! Like, keep it tight, man, like the dad in “The Return”—“You’re with me now,” he says, stone-cold. That’s how escorts should be. Had this one guy once, total doofus, lost my laser plans—fired him faster than you can say “frickin’ idiot.” But the good ones? Gold. Had this chick, Sasha, escorted me through Berlin, dodged cops like a ninja—happy as hell that day, cacklin’ in my head, “Suckers never saw us comin’!”

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So, my dear – expect surprises around short, twisty alleys, honest conversations by flickering streetlights, and a soul that’s as free as, well, as free as a wild, untamed movie moment, darling! C'mon, fall in love with Haslach. Let’s get lost in its magic, its stories, and its imperfections—xx!

Harold Joseph Haslach "Haszy" Obituary - Whiting, NJ