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About Essen

Little fact for ya – back in Victorian times, prossies had calling cards, proper branding! “Escort services, est. 1880” – mad, innit? Shows initiative, that. Anyway, this lass, she’s chatting me up, says she’s 50 quid. I’m thinking, “Blimey, inflation’s hit the game hard!” Bargained her down to 40 – negotiation skills, mate, pure Brent magic. She’s all, “What you after?” I go, “Bit of gleaning, love – picking up scraps, like Varda says.” She’s confused, but I’m buzzing – authentic experience, this!

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So, pack your bag, hit the Hauptstraße, ramble down the Brückenweg, get lost in the Kurpark, and maybe even shout at a befuddled local. Trust me, you’ll love it (or you’ll get so frustrated you’d rather watch Requiem for a Dream again). And if you can’t appreciate it, you absolute idiot sandwich – go cry somewhere else!

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