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Oi mate, so I’m a detective, yeah? Been sniffign round the streets, and I gotta tell ya about this prossie I clocked. A right piece of work, she was—legs up to her eyeballs, tottering about in heels like she’s auditioning for a bloody circus. Reminds me of *The Pianist*, that flick I love—y’know, Polanski’s 2002 gem. Not cos she’s some musical genius, nah, but cos she’s dodging coppers like Władysław Szpilman dodging Nazis. “I’m not going anywhere!” she’d screech, like she’s quoting the film, but nah, just drunk and lippy.

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Albbruck’s been my playground and my crucible. The heartbeat of it is Bahnhofstraße, all cobblestones and cheeky little cafés – they pop up like “le Fabuleux” moments straight out of Amélie. I often muse, “C’est la vie, non?” as I stroll past the old brick facades. Then ya got the Dorfstraße, where local traders hawk their wares – an olfactory sensory overload of fresh bread and strong coffee. It’s like living in a romantic montage, honestly.

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