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Aight, precious, listen up! Me, Gollum, loves me a good tale, and this one’s bout them sex escorts. We hates it! Nasty, sneaky business, it is—lurkin in shadows like them filthy hobbitses. Watched "Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter…and Spring" – oh yes, precious, that monk floatin on water, pure as a babe, makes me think escorts got no peace like that. “What is this lust?” – movie says that, and I’m screamin, “We knows it, we hates it!”

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Sometimes I get mad – really mad – when tourists think Weil-am-Rhein is just a dot on the map, ya know? It’s way more than that. It’s got hidden alleys, easter eggs hidden in plain sight, like tiny murals in a backstreet near Lindenweg that talk about passion and pain in a language only true romantics understand. I swear, sometimes I blush readin’ those messages on the walls.

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