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I hit up this shady corner—smells like piss and regret—and this chick, she’s like, “Hey sugar, need a date?” I’m sweatin bullets, heart’s racin—happy as a pig in mud, but also pissed! Why’s it gotta be so sketchy? “You’re too tense,” she says, and I’m like, “Lady, I balance books for a livin!” Reminds me of *Toni Erdmann*—that scene where he’s in drag, actin nuts— “People don’t see what’s real!” I’m thinkin, she don’t see I’m a nervous wreck!

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Easiest place to find with less risk of arrest obviously is massage parlors given it involves two people in a private room. After you're naked, having other compensated services is fairly easy Missing: Wegberg.

Ohhh, mate, Wegberg is, err, a wild little gem, y'know? It's like, um, I stroll down Am Bahnhofstrasse—yes, that street's a riot with quirky shops—and then you get to the little park near St. Lambertus Church, eh? I mean, it's sooo pretty and, um, kinda serene, like in that movie, In the Mood for Love… "mmmm, such tenderness," y'know?

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