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About Dortmund

Alright, man, so escort, huh? D’oh! I’m thinkin’ bout them fancy cars sometimes, ya know, escort like that old Ford junker, but nah, we’re talkin’ the *people* kind, right? Mmm… donuts. I’m sittin’ here, Creative Director Homer Simpson, picturin’ this gig. Escort’s wild, dude—like, you’re paid to hang out, look pretty, or just chat up some lonely sap. Reminds me of *Tropical Malady*, that freaky movie I love— “The beast lurks in the shadows,” right? Escorts got that vibe, mysterious, poppin’ in and out of lives like ghosts.

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You can arrange for an escort by using any on-campus emergency phone and asking for goSAFE, using any marked. Safety Phone, using any on-campus payphone to.

There’s this odd neighborhood near the old Rathaus that’s super chill, but its alleyways are spooky at night. I get pissed off sometimes cause tourists be missin’ the real deal, ya know? Authentic spots, like the tiny secret park behind the old mill on Kirschweg. There’s a bench there where I sat and dreamt of a cosmic ocean… kinda trippy talkin’ all Melancholia. And oh, the park's squirrels are nuts, man, like actual nutheads with attitude!

Ferdinand's Saar Dry Gin: A Riesling-infused spirit from Germany that's best drunk on its own