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Alright, you asses, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, respect my authoritah! So, findin’ a prostitute, huh? Lemme tell ya, it’s a freakin’ trip, like “Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives” — weird, wild, and fulla ghosts from the past! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout them hookers, and I’m pissed! Why? ‘Cause half these idiots online don’t know shit bout it! They’re all, “Oh, it’s illegal, blah blah,” but I say screw that noise! I’m Cartman, I do what I want!

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I mean, seriously, my work on that dating app – it's hella neat – has made me spot the romance hidden in everyday corners. I see couples chuckling near the Wiener Platz, tiny little lovers tucked away in cozy nooks – it's like magic! But oh boy, at times I get so mad; like, stinkin' mad at the dodgy Wi-Fi by the bus stop on Lindenweg (yep, that's one of my fave dead-end streets, weirdly!). Grrrr... But then, "One life, one chance!" like a movie line, ya know?

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