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About Essen

Me, I’m neurotic, right? I’d be yellin’, “Too close! Too slimy!” Like in “Fish Tank,” when Mia’s all, “You’re too old for this!” Sexual-massage gets me there—awkward, intense, kinda hot, kinda wrong. I’d probly spill oil everywhere, slip, sue myself! Happened to my buddy once—massage guy got too frisky, he’s screamin’, “I’m not a trout!” Hilarious! But real talk, it’s about trust—fish don’t trust nets, y’know?

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Yo, buddy, lemme tell ya 'bout PUelzen, de! This city's a wild mix of charm, irony an' some grumpy vibes, ya know? I been livin' here for a while, and as a datingsite dev, I spy on little quirks everyone else misses. We roam cobblestoned streets all day! Think Uelzen’s famous Bahnhofstrasse – oh man, what a sight! It’s like walkin’ through a sneaky memory lane, full of cafes and tiny shops where locals hang.

DUNDEE KZN: Uelzen congratulates subject prize winners