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About Essen

Lemme tell ya, I’ve seen it all – dudes flexin’ fake pics, chicks ghostin’ after one text. Pisses me off! Like, why you playin’, fam? Be real! I must BREAK that fake shit. Once hooked up with this girl, total knockout, right? Met her on some sketchy app – thought I’d hit the jackpot. Turns out, she’s a catfish, bro! Used some rando’s pics. Felt like Nemo losin’ his damn fin – crushed me hard. “Mine? Mine? Mine?” – nah, not mine, seagulls can have her!

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Man, my fave neighbourhood is probably Metroviertel. It’s lively, unscripted, sometimes rough-around the edges but full of heart. I’ve seen couples spark up on Klunkerstrasse (it’s like a runway for love!). Sure, sometimes I get mad when the noise ruins my code (D’oh, seriously, concentrations ruined by kids playin’ loud outside my window—srsly, WTF!). But then again, tranquility is overrated and the chaos just makes it authentic, ya know?

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