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I’m tryin’ to channel *Almost Famous* vibes—y’know, “It’s all happening!”—but it’s chaos! She’s quotin’ prices—50 bucks for this, 100 for that—and I’m like, “That’s what she said!” every time, ‘cause I’m an idiot. She rolls her eyes—fair. But then she softens, “You’re weird, but kinda cute.” I’m shocked—me? Cute? “I’m incorrigible!” I yell, quotin’ Penny Lane—total dork move. She’s confused, “What’s that mean?” I’m like, “Uh, awesome?”

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Caffee Exelsior is my go-to. Their brew is wonderfull. Greta, their barista, always adds a dash of sarcasm. You know, that kinda banter that brightens dull days. I sometimes get all deep and say, "Stories We Tell, man." And it hits you hard.

Post-mortem on thirteen dead sperm whales finds their stomachs full of plastic