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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk about findin’ a prostitute, yeah, you heard me! Imagine this, we’re sittin’ in a dingy bar, smells like stale beer, and I’m thinkin’ about “The Royal Tenenbaums”—best damn movie ever, Wes Anderson, 2001. Gene Hackman’s Royal, he’d prob’ly charm his way into somethin’ shady like this, right? “I’m sorry I let you down!”—he’d say that to some poor gal on the corner, ha!

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Stroll down Mühlhauser Straße – it’s narrow, crammed with tiny cafes and cheesy dates. Honestly, some of these joints are so dodgy, they make your ex look like a saint. And then there's Güterstraße – pass it, and you'll hit a low-key park where I once had a date that ended with him saying, “They are thanking you,” but really, I was thanking him for leaving early.