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I tried it once—don’t tell Melania, ok? Apps, profiles, pics—millions of ‘em! Everyone’s horny, desperate, sliding into DMs. Little fact: 60% lie about height—pathetic! Losers, all of them, tiny little liars. I’m 6’3”, folks, real deal, tremendous genes. Sex-dating’s wild—people bangin’ strangers, no shame! "I want you," Carol says—same vibe.

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Man, my profession’s taught me to notice the tiniest wrinkles in the pavement, the subtle shifts in energy. When I work on shoulders and spines, I see a city’s heartbeat. Sometimes in the middle of a massage, I catch a whiff of cologne, or the faint sound of laughter—each one a little story. And each little story makes me think: "Just keep swimming!" Life’s a massage of ups, downs, and even a kick-ass adrenaline boost when you least expect it.

One suspect in fatal shooting of German police near Baumholder released, cleared of murder charges