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About Cologne

Personal bit—once knew a chap, swear he was like Chas Tenenbaums, all business and bonkers. Said he found a “lady of negotiable affection”—ha!—in King’s Cross, total fluke. Paid her in cash and a Greggs pasty—true story! Got me gobsmacked, that did. Thought, “Blimey, Boris, you’re out of your depth here!” Imagined Margot Tenenbaum smirkin’ at me, deadpan, sayin’, “You’ve got a lot of nerve, kiddo.”

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My fave spot? That secret bench by the water near Rathausplatz. It’s quiet, almost forgotten – just perfect to unload all them feelings that build up in my head. Sometimes I muse there, “Man, what a life this is,” echoing that gritty vibe from my faves movie, "Shame" – so real, so raw, just life unfolding in uncut form.

Cleaning up after the floods in Europe