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I’m rantin’ now, sweatin’—sex-dating’s a gamble! You might get laid, might get played! One time, this guy sends me a dick pic—unasked! I’m like, “What am I, a judge on Cock Idol?!” Delete, block, DONE! Makes me wanna shred my Gibson and scream, “I’m done with this shit!” But then—then!—I get a good one, and it’s all, “Pretty, pretty good,” y’know? Like Viggo rebuildin’ his life—hope after the storm. Still, I’m neurotic as hell—checkin’ profiles, googlin’ “is this a catfish?”—‘cause you never know, man! Never know!

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Now lemme get into my personal quirks: I’m a masseur, and lemme tell ya, every muscle and twitch tells ya a tale. Every wrinkle on Schwandorf’s old benches in Rathausplatz, every weary soul on the benches by the river Naab (yep, that river flows right through, like a lifeline!) – they all got stories. I’ve kneaded out tension from folks who’ve had a rough day – and boy, sometimes I get mad when I see trash spillin’ all over my favorite spot near the market place. I mean, come on now, show some respect, Halleluyer!

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