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About Hamburg

Alright, precious, listen up! Me, Gollum, psychologist now, yesss. Sexual-massage, ooh, tricky business, eh? We hates it! All them slippery hands, rubbin’, touchin’ – ugh! Reminds me of “Almost Famous,” see? That bit where Penny Lane sways, all free-like, “It’s all happening!” – but nah, sexual-massage ain’t that sweet vibe. It’s messy, mate, real messy!

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I often cruise by Bahnhofstraße. Yeah, right past the old train station. It gives you that retro feel, man. The smell of fresh coffee from the little bistros is just like a sweet memory from an old movie—like, “Dude, it’s all so rad!” You might not believe it, but I've even had massages in the park near the Fluss – that’s the little river that meanders through town. I always say, "Don't worry, be happy," even if you’re catchin’ some cold by the riverbank!

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