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Alright, y’all, listen up! I’m Larry the Cable Guy – Git-R-Done! – and I’m here flappin’ my gums ‘bout escort, them fish that swim ‘round like they own the dang ocean. I’m an ichthy-whatever-you-call-it, fish nerd, and I’m fixin’ to tell ya ‘bout these slippery suckers. Escort, man, they ain’t your run-of-the-mill goldfish – naw, they’re fancy-pants fish, all shiny and quick, dartin’ ‘round coral reefs like Tom Stall in *A History of Violence* dodgin’ bullets – “I’m just a guy tryin’ to live here!”

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I know my quirks. I get mad sometimes – omg, the bureaucracy at Rathausplatz is wild! I mean, seriously, why so many forms? But then, laughing while talkin’ dirty about human nature, I find humor in it all. C'mon, life isn't so stiff. Gotta make jokes when you see things goin’ backwards.

German man dies after blowing up condom machine