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Preciousss, listen up, my nasty friend! Sex-dating, ugh, what a messs! Stupid, fat hobbitsses swiping right, left—makes me wanna puke! Me, a swineherd, watching pigs all day, better than these app fools. “The Royal Tenenbaums”—oh yess, my precious movie! Richie Tenenbaum, all quiet and broody, he’d hate this sex-dating crap too. “I’m going to kill myself tomorrow,” he’d say, scrolling Tinder—ha! Too many clowns out there, flashy profiles, no soul.

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I had one crazy day, so hilariously mad, at my parlor. A famous local blogger dropped by. Look, I was super happy about the free promo, but then his questions got all invasive. "How do you unwind?" he asks, and I'm like, "Oh, holy motos, calm down, man!" hehe… I ended up mixin’ up the oils—sounded like a car crash in a tin can! Sorry, if that sounds off, but it makes me chuckle every time.