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Oi, mate, it’s me, Tyrion Lannister—witty, boozy, “I drink and I know things.” So, we’re talkin’ ‘bout findin’ a prostitute, eh? Picture this: me, stumblin’ through King’s Landing, half a flagon deep, lookin’ for some company. Reminds me o’ that flick *Shame*—y’know, my fave, Steve McQueen’s 2011 gem. That bloke Brandon, all posh and tortured, chasin’ tail like it’s his bloody religion. “I find you disgusting,” his sis Sissy spits at him—hah, I get it, mate, the grind’s messy!

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I spill all this biz to find love. And let me tell ya, dating in Sasel feels like living in a David Brent fantasy. I’ve seen folks meet on mismatched benches by the riverside. Too many secrets, too many stories. Some days, I'm so chuffed, other days I'm just faffin’ about, ya know?

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